10 Reasons I’m Soooo Tired

Do you ever struggle to wake up and it stays with you all day?  Well, that’s me…everyday.  It may be due to a lack of sleep but I have a sneaking suspicion I’m tired for some of these reasons:

10. I’m kept up all night by the sound of the cat noshing bunny skulls.

9. The monster under my bed wants spare change and keeps rattling a can of nickels.

8. My wet dreams smell like curdled milk.

7. The wad of toilet paper that maximizes sweat and smell absorption stuffed between my butt cheeks is all itchy (it’s been referred to as a “manpon”).

6. Instead of dinner, I did some meth and drank a Camel Pak of Mountain Dew.

5. I am fraught with woes about the economy of my ant farm.  There just isn’t enough sugar water to go around.

4. My body is trying to work off the calories I consumed from eating all of these spiders that were looking for a warm place to die.

3. Peeing in the pool makes it warmer.  Peeing in the bed makes it wet.

2. My boogers are so dense and gooey that I can hardly breathe when I eat them.

-And Finally-

1. I am kept awake by loud farts…my loud farts.

 

Did I miss something?  Tell me some of the things that keep you awake.