A Couple Of Jokes

The Ol’ Boy called me today from his work van and said he was watching a guy trim his ear hair with a pair of scissors in his car.  The Ol’ Boy said the guy wasn’t being very safe…he was clearing his fairy land hair forest, causing devastation to all the little hair nymphs and earwoks.

Ted P.’s parents thought their computer would catch a virus so they covered it with plastic.

My wife asked me why I spend so much time jerking off alone at the computer.  She said that it would be sensual to masturbate with her and I said, “Every time I do that, you wake up screaming.”

I was at the store and I saw a guy happily buying his son some candy.  Confused by the gesture, the kid looked at his mom and asked, “Mommy, what’s wrong with Daddy?”  To which the mother replied, “Oh, he’s just sober.”

I put the trash out last night when I saw my rather large neighbor pull up to her house with take out food in her hands.  ”Take out again?” I asked.  And she replied, “Rrrrraaaaawwwwrrrr!!!!”  Stupid fat bitch.

Do you refer to conjoined twins as one of those or two of that?

Oh, man.  I got nothin’…