How To Kill A Fly With Your Bare Hands

He's as good as dead anyway; he's not even wearing a helmet

Here is a very simple method to destroy a fly using only your bare hands.  This act will not only kill the fly, but also teach valuable lessons to his next of kin.  C’mon, really?  You’re having second thoughts.  Don’t think of his family.  Just do it.  He’s dirty.  You know where he’s been: poop, vomit, trash.  And that was just breakfast.  He’s spreading disease on you.  Ew.  Grow a pair and kill him.  Everyone else is doing it and here’s how…For this task, you’ll need a set of hands.  You’ll also need enough patience to wait for a good moment to strike.  For this to work, there’ll need to be a single fly bothering you; more than one and it’s a sign you’re dead and rotting.  Usually, if you’re focused at work or peacefully enjoying the day, one will come along.  When you are sufficiently bothered, you’ll need to pretend that you don’t care that the fly is buzzing around.  Don’t flail as you will only briefly scare it away, thus making the annoyance last longer.  Act naturally and he’s sure to fall into your trap.  Once he’s comfortable flying near you, you may start the procedure.  First, see where he likes to go.  In the two flies I’ve ever dealt with liked my skin.  Maybe it’s because I smell like sweat and garbage.  When I gently shooed them away, they would fly up, circle in the air, and then land on my desk.  Based on these experiences, I undoubtedly say that all flies will repeat this.  Next, you’ll need to position yourself in a way that you can easily clap your hands together directly above the fly.  Now, wait for him to land.  When he settles on the desk, slowly move your spread hands about 3 inch above him.  He should be centered between your soon-to-be-clapping/killing hands.  Finally, when he takes off, which he will…Clap!  If you missed, repeat this process until the bugger is dead. Ta da!  Congratulations!  You’ve just committed murder.